


Have a Drink to Relax

by Ro_Lal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Homestuck AU, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:01:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ro_Lal/pseuds/Ro_Lal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A booky book I'm writing for my friends. I really have no idea what's going to happen, but there are gonna be a lot of crackships. So get ready for a shitty booky book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Swear to Drunk I'm Not God

"Erm, that's your, like, seventh glass."

Karkat glared at the bartender. "WHAT'S IT TO YOU? I ASKED FOR ANOTHER." 

The human sighed, looking around. "Where's your ride?"

"I DON'T HAVE ONE," Karkat mumbled. "BUT THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. JUST GET ME ANOTHER BEER."

The bartender sighed, tapping her finger on the counter. She had short, blonde hair that flipped outward at the end, and pink eyes, which was extremely odd for a human. He had never seen any other with that color eyes. He wondered if they were fake? Could humans do that? Swap their eyes.

He shook his head, thinking, 'OF COURSE THEY CAN'T. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. I THINK JOHN WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IF THEY COULD.'

"Tell you what, if you can find a ride home, I'll think about grabbing you another glass," the bartender offered.

This angered Karkat. But then again, everything angered Karkat. He swung his fist at her, but she didn't even flinch. He stood still for a moment until he realized he had completely missed. 'BUT SHE WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE...' He covered his face with his hands, embarrassed. 'THANK GOG JADE ISN'T HERE.'

"Wow, you're more drunk than I used to get," she laughed. "And I had at least three glasses of Martini a day, and then multiple other drinks."

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DRINK? I THOUGHT EVERY HUMAN WAS ALWAYS LIVING IN SOME KIND OF FUCKING PARADISE," Karkat said, confused.

This made the bartender laugh, even though he couldn't figure out why. He was right, wasn't he? Of course he was, he was always right. "You don't even recognize me!" she laughed.

"WHY WOULD I?"

"I didn't think you were THAT drunk. Jeez, you see me almost every day. Does the name Roxy ring a bell?"

Karkat squinted his eyes, studying the human. "NOPE, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE."

"You really need to get home and sleep. I can't take you, since I'm working, but I can call somebody."

"NO, I'M FINE, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DRUNK. WE'VE NEVER MET."

But Roxy already had her phone in her hand, typing away. Karkat groaned and stood, making his way around the counter. "Sorry KK, but only staff are allowed back here," Roxy said, stepping in his way.

"I WOULDN'T BE BACK HERE IF THE STAFF WERE DOING THEIR DAMN JOB," Karkat replied irritably.

They bickered for another five minutes before somebody else walked up. He had the same colored hair as Roxy, triangular shades, and a stoic expression. Roxy motioned to Karkat, and without a word, he picked him up and took him outside, while Karkat screamed and kicked the whole way, yelling every curse word he knew.


	2. Why Would You Care?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know the dancestors and ancestors are dead, just let me write my AU in peace

"Yeah, I got him home alright," Dirk assured Roxy. "He was out almost as soon as I put him in my car. I'm glad I'm not him. Kankri was so upset when I explained what happened. I bet he's going to have a whole monologue, but then again, when doesn't he?"

"So he wasn't hurt?" Roxy asked rhetorically, sighing in relief. "I was thinking he'd end up falling down stairs and getting a concussion."

"I mean, he might have," Dirk shrugged. "I didn't stay. I just gave him to Signless and left."

Roxy rubbed her face with her hands. She had worked the night shift last night at the bar, and had gotten barely any sleep. Maybe that was why she was so concerned. She grabbed her car keys from off the counter, mumbling, "I'm gonna go check, just in case."

"I'll come too," Dirk decided, following her out of the door. Roxy knew that even if she wanted to stop him from coming, she wouldn't be able to. There was no stopping a Strider once he makes up his mind. 

Roxy drove across town until she reached the Vantas household. When she knocked on the door, she was met by Kankri. "9h, hell9 R9xy," he said.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"I was in the middle 9f sc9lding Karkat, 6ut it's a g99d thing y9u st9pped 6y. Karkat, c9me ap9l9gize!"

Karkat begrudgingly showed up at Kankri's shoulder. "WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I APOLOGIZE? I DIDN'T HURT HER."

"I don't need an apology," Roxy said. "I just came to make sure he didn't get hurt."

"Well, if y9u hadn't d9ne anything, he might have. Karkat, say thanks, t99."

"OKAY, WELL, I ADMIT I DO OWE YOU A THANKS," Karkat said to Roxy before turning back to Kankri. "BUT I DON'T SEE A REASON TO FUCKING APOLOGIZE. SHE KNOWS THAT WORKING AT A BAR INVITES THESE THINGS."

Kankri crossed his arms. "When will y9u learn t9 6e grateful? If R9xy hadn't 6een there, y9u might have tried t9 drive h9me, while drunk, and g9tten in a car accident. Y9u c9uld have died! R9xy saved y9ur life 6y calling Dirk."

"I WASN'T THAT DRUNK!" Karkat objected.

"And I really didn't save his life," Roxy insisted. "All I did was refuse him another drink."

"N9, I w9n't accept this," Kankri said sternly, causing the both of them to sigh. They just wanted out of this awkward situation. It was similar to how when siblings fought, their parents would make them hold hands. That scenario wasn't really applicable to this situation, but it was just as awkward. "We will stand here all day until y9u ap9l9gize."

'Looks like we're going to be here forever,' Roxy thought. 'Both Kankri and Karkat are too stubborn to let the other win.'

"Can I offer an alternative, so we're not just standing around here doing nothing?" Roxy asked tentatively, not sure what would upset Kankri.

"9f c9urse," Kankri nodded enthusiastically. It was obvious he wasn't too keen on standing at the doorway all day either.

"Erm...how about instead of him having to apologize, he can just make it up to me by helping me with something?" Roxy suggested.

"Hm...that c9uld work," Kankri said thoughtfully. "What d9 y9u need hep with?"

'Good question,' Roxy thought, for she really didn't have anything she needed help with. But instead, she said, "Some house work."

Kankri thought for a few moments. It must have been difficult choosing between his two options. He could make his disrespectful, impulsive little brother suffer, but that would mean he himself would have to suffer too. Or, he could loosen the consequences, and still be able to do whatever he liked. "Fine," he finally decided. He pushed Karkat out the door before slamming it shut.

Karkat glared at Roxy. "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO COME ALONG? HE WAS ALMOST FINISHED WITH HIS RANT, THEN I WOULD'VE BEEN FREE TO DO WHATEVER I WANTED."

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt last night," Roxy repeated. "I didn't know he was still lecturing you."

"WELL HE WAS. AND NOW I HAVE TO DO SOME STUPID CHORES FOR YOU FOR NO REASON." Karkat crossed his arms, grumpily, mumbling to himself. Roxy laughed at how red his face was, winning a glare from him. "WHAT?"

"You look adorable when you're mad!" Roxy said in between her laughs. 

"I DO NOT. ADORABLE ISN'T EVEN A WORD IN OUR LANGUAGE. IF ANYTHING, I'M-"

"Adorabloodthirsty, I know," Roxy rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I don't actually have any chores I need help with. I kinda just wanted to get away from Kankri, and figured you did too." She began to walk down the driveway, back to her car.

"OH...THANKS AGAIN, THEN," Karkat said.

"Just get in the back, we can go to the movies or something," Roxy shrugged. Karkat obliged, and Roxy got in front.

"Went in alone, came out with a Karkat," Dirk commented.

"We're going to the movies," Roxy explained.

"Am I a third wheel?"

"No, it's just to get away from Kankri."

"I'm so telling Nepeta about this. It's a date, and you know it. Whenever two people go to the movies together, it's a date."

"Learn to count, because there's three of us," Roxy ruffled his hair.

"No, there's two, because I can't go. I have to get to work."

"You don't work on Mondays."

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP?" Karkat groaned. "YOU'RE BICKERING LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE. MAYBE I SHOULD TELL NEPETA ABOUT *THAT*."

Dirk snorted in amusement as Roxy drove away from the Vantas household.


	3. The Movie Wherein There Are Two Princesses and One Has the Ability to Control Ice but Needs to Hide it So She Locks Herself In Her Room Which Upsets Her Sister Until She Has to Become Queen When She Accidentally Reveals Her Powers And Has To Run Away

"WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS MOVIE?" Karkat whined as they sat down. "IT'S FOR WRIGGLERS."

"What? No, you're an idiot," Dirk said, shooting a glare at him. "You just don't have any good taste."

"IT'S LITERALLY AN ANIMATED FILM FOR WRIGGLERS," Karkat said, waving his arms toward the screen.

"Shush, it's starting," Roxy slapped them both on the arm. Both turned their glare to her, but she didn't care. Before the first five minutes even passed, the lights turned on, and a loud blaring nearly deafened Roxy. "What the hell?"

Everybody else seemed to know what to do. They all rushed to the emergency doors, with babies crying and kids complaining. "OH GREAT, A FIRE," Karkat mumbled. His mumble was even audible through the noise. Dirk pointed at the exits, signalling they should probably follow suit of the crowd. They shuffled their way over, trying not to trip over popcorn buckets and spilt drinks. They joined the back of the line, following them.

Before they reached the door, the 'floosh' of flames could be heard behind them, and a chorus of screams emanated from the crowd. Roxy spun on her heel, thinking the fire was right behind him. In reality, it was in the movie room, where the projector to the movie had been. Judging by how slow it was spreading, they had a few minutes. Unfortunately, the crowd was going wild, terrified of the flames.

"THEY'RE ALL IDIOTS, IT'S JUST FIRE!" Karkat complained. "IF THEY'D GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER, WE'D BE FINE. COME ON, WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE."

Karkat walked past Roxy, grabbing her wrist along the way. Roxy quickly reached back, grabbing Dirk's so he wouldn't be left behind. Karkat shoved through the crowd without muttering even a single "Excuse me" or "Sorry". People glared at him and yelled, but he didn't care. He soon dragged the humans through the exit doors, and out of the theatre. "THERE. WAS THAT SO HARD?"

Roxy was impressed at how nonchalant Karkat was. He seemed more pissed that people were freaking out than the fact that the theatre was on fire. "Have you ever been in a fire before?" Roxy asked. "You seemed like you knew what you were doing."

"Well, that date was ruined," Dirk interrupted. "I'll tell you two lovebirds what; I'll drop you off at the park, and you can hang out the rest of the day."

"IT'S NOT A FUCKING DATE," Karkat said, his face red. "BESIDES, THE PARK IS FOR WRIGGLERS."

"It's a date," Dirk insisted. "I'll drop you guys off somewhere cool, I promise. Maybe you can skate? Roxy, you're roller skates are in the trunk. Karkat can use mine."

"I don't have roller skates," Roxy said, wrinkling her eyebrows.

"Well, I bought you some," Dirk shrugged. "A few months ago. They've never been used."

"Well, it sounds like a plan," Roxy said as she clapped her hands together, turning to Karkat. "Does that sound okay?"

"I GUESS." He placed his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. "ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO."

"It's okay, neither do I," Roxy said, climbing into Dirk's car again. "Hopefully the place doesn't catch fire."

"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE...RIGHT?" Karkat seemed confused.

Dirk dropped them off at a small park. It was more of a garden than a playground, with a maze of sidewalks. Kids and trolls rode bikes, skateboards, or just walked around, talking. Roxy strapped on her skates, and helped Karkat with his.

(Sorry for the abrupt ending and the short chapter. It's midnight -_-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TMW theres a fire at the movie theatre but u just continue ur day like it never happened


	4. Show Me

"I don't understand how you do it so naturally."

Karkat was practically a natural, which seemed odd. Usually, things like this required grace and balance, and Roxy was surprised Karkat had either of those. But, he rolled around with no problem. Roxy felt like she was holding him back. She was stumbling and constantly almost falling. Karkat would be far ahead, but he kept having to go her speed. "IT'S NO FUCKING DEAL," Karkat said. "IT'S EASY AS SHIT."

"No, it's not," Roxy said, her arms stretched out to maintain her balance.

"ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS-"

"KARKITTY!"

The shriek of the girl's voice made both of them jump, causing Roxy to slip and fall. However, Karkat miraculously catches her. They looked at each other, then separated awkwardly, choosing to focus on who had spoken instead. Nepeta. "Karkitty, I haven't s33n you in furever! I've b33n so busy."

"HEY NEPETA," Karkat said. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Admiring the flowers, silly!" Nepeta giggled, as if it were obvious. "Are you skating? I didn't know you skated!"

"I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE," Karkat explained. "Dirk let me borrow his."

"Dirk? I've nefur met him," Nepeta said after a moment of thinking. She looked at Roxy. "I haven't met you eifur."

"Those puns though," Roxy giggled. "I'm Roxy."

"I'm Nepeta! *The cat girl notices that the pair might want to be left alone, and asks if she should go?*"

"NO, YOU'RE FINE," Karkat said. "WE'RE JUST HERE TO AVOID KANKRI. WHERE'S MEULIN?"

"She's talking with Kurloz. Or...doing whatefur she does with him."

"YOU'RE SO LUCKY YOU ACTUALLY GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLING. KANKRI JUST SCOLDS ME FOR EVERYTHING I DO."

"NEPETA IT'S TIME TO GO~!" Meulin yelled from across the park.

"I'll s33 you later, hopefully," Nepeta said, waving as she walked toward Meulin.

"She's literally half cat?" Roxy asked.

"SHE WAS RAISED BY A CAT. I DON'T KNOW IF WE EVER FIGURED OUT IF THE TAIL IS REAL OR NOT."

"So can you help me figure out how to skate?" Roxy requested. "I used to want to know how, then I kinda gave up."

"YEAH, I GUESS, ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TEACH."

Karkat helped Roxy work on her balance and shit, anything he thought would be useful. It took all day, and Roxy only considered herself average as the sky turned orange. "OKAY, SO I GUESS WE CAN HAVE A RACE TO SEE HOW GOOD YOU'VE BECOME?"

"That's a good idea!" Roxy said. "How about to that stoplight and back?

"IT'S A DEAL."

They both lined up, shoulder to shoulder. "Three, two, one, go!" Roxy said.

They both began to skate. They gained speed relatively fast. Roxy was impressed with herself. She was going the same speed as Karkat. In the morning, she hadn't even been able to skate.

They both reached the stop light at the same time. Karkat easily turned and headed back. Roxy didn't have that much luck. She tried to turn, but her skates slipped off the curb, and she tumbled into the road.

Roxy thought it was a harmless mistake.

Until she saw a car flying toward her at full speed.


	5. Amnesiac

Pain shot through Roxy.

She was on her back, on something soft. A bed, she guessed. Her whole body was in immense pain, and she was paralyzed. All she was able to do was open her eyes. She had to close them again due to the sudden light, but it was enough to tell the nurses she was conscious. 'Wait...there are nurses. I'm in a hospital. Why am I in a hospital?'

She worked on getting her eyes to stay open, and looked around. She was in a full body cast on a bed with a curtain drawn around her. "...hear me?"

A voice came into focus. Roxy managed to turn her head to see a nurse. "Wha..."

"Roxy, you were in a car crash, and have severely injured yourself."

"A...what?"

'What is she talking about?' Roxy wondered. 'Why would I be in a car crash? I don't remember anything...'

"JUST LET ME FUCKING SEE HER. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M PLANNING TO STAB HER."

Roxy turned her head again as a voice was heard across the room. She couldn't see who it is because of the curtain. But there wasn't much suspense, for it was soon thrown back. In front of her was a troll. "ROXY, ARE YOU OKAY?"

Roxy stared blankly at him, wondering why he was talking to her. Did she know him? "Who are you?" she asked.

~ You are Karkat Vantas ~

"Who are you?"

Karkat blinked a few times. It took a few seconds for it to sink in. What that statement meant. 'SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER ME.'

"ROXY...THAT'S A JOKE, RIGHT?" he asked half-heartedly.

"I don't remember anything," she said, looking at the ceiling. "I just can't remember anything I've done. When I'm not thinking about it, I feel like I remember, but I can't pinpoint any memory."

"It must have been the car crash," Aranea, one of the nurses, said. "It can cause loss of memory."

"WILL SHE REMEMBER AGAIN?" Karkat asked, turning to her.

"It's a possibility," Aranea said. "But that doesn't guarantee she will. It depends on how b8d it is. But she needs sp8ce, so can you please leave?"

'THIS IS MY FAULT,' Karkat thought as he was ushered away. 'IF I HADN'T AGREED TO DO THAT STUPID RACE...'

"We'll tell you as soon as there is any progress," a random doctor said.

When he stepped into the waiting room, he saw Kankri waiting for him. "Is she awake?" he asked. Karkat nodded. "W9w, that t99k tw9 weeks. That can't 6e g99d."

"SHUT UP," Karkat growled. "SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE. SHE HAS TO BE."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another short chapter. I only had ten minutes to write it.


	6. Second Chances

"At least she d9esn't kn9w y9u're a d9uche," Kankri pointed out.

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING," Karkat said, pacing the room. "MAYBE IF WE HIT HER WITH ANOTHER CAR, SHE'LL REMEMBER?"

"W9w, h9w much did y9u drink?" Kankri sighed.

"SHUT UP. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LET JAKE, JANE, AND DIRK VISIT HER BUT NOT ME," Karkat fumed. "DOES SHE EVEN REMEMBER THEM? HOW COMES SHE REMEMBERS THEM BUT NOT ME?"

"N9, she d9esn't remem6er them," Kankri rubbed his temples, annoyed with his drunk brother. "H9w ab9ut y9u just message 9ne 9f them, and ask h9w she is."

"THAT...THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A GOOD IDEA."

Karkat trudged up to his respite block, and got on his husktop.

\-- carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling gutsyGumshoe (GG) --

CG: HEY. HAVE YOU SEEN ROXY RECENTLY?  
GG: Yeah, I'm with her now recently.  
CG: REALLY? HOW IS SHE? IS SHE ANY BETTER?  
GG: Unfortunately, she doesn't remember anything more. However, she has been asked about the troll with nubby horns that visited her on the day she woke up. The nurses are considering letting you visit.  
CG: OH SHIT REALLY?  
GG: Yeah, they're just not sure if you're obedient enough.  
CG: FUCK THEM, I'M VERY LEVEL-HEADED.  
CG: Mhmm, I'm sure you are.  
CG: I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'VE BEEN PACING MY RESPITE BLOCK FOREVER.  
GG: How about you message one of your friends? I don't know you very well, maybe you need to talk to somebody you know.  
CG: I GUESS I CAN TRY THAT.

\-- carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased trolling gutsyGumshoe (GG) --

\-- carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling gallowsCallibrator (GC) --

CG: HEY TEREZI.  
GC; WOW, K4RK4T, 1 H4V3NT H34RD FROM YOU 1N 4 WH1L3.  
CG: I NEED A LITTLE HELP.  
GC: TH1S 1S 4BOUT TH4T HUM4N, R1GHT?  
CC: SHE HAS A FUCKING NAME.  
GC: Y3S, Y3S SH3 DO3S. 4NYW4Y, WH4T DO YOU W4NT?  
CG:I'M NOT ALLOWED TO VISIT HER, BUT I REALLY WANT TO MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY. I WANT TO VISIT HER TO APOLOGIZE, BECAUSE I NEVER EVEN DID THAT.  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU W4ST1NG T1M3 T3LL1NG M3? HOW 4BOUT YOU M3SS4G3 H3R?  
CG: I...DON'T KNOW. PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY SUGGESTING I MESSAGE SOMEBODY, BUT NEVER ONCE HAS ROXY CROSSED MY MIND.  
GC: SO HOW 4BOUT YOU DO TH4T, 1D1OT?  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

\-- carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased trolling gallowsCallibrator (GC) --

\-- carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling tipsyGnostalgic (TG) --

CG: HEY, IT'S ME, KARKAT. THE TROLL WITH THE NUBBY HORNS.  
TG: i know ur name bc they told me  
CG: YOU STILL TYPE THE SAME.  
TG: last i checked every teen grl typed like this  
CG: SO YOU DO REMEMBER SOME THINGS?  
TG: i remember names customs how to speak and things like that  
TG: but i dont have any personal memories  
CG: THAT MUST SUCK  
TG: its rlly weird  
TG: like i know things but i dont remember how i know them  
TG: but im kinda bored w/ only seein three ppl  
CG: I WOULD VISIT, BUT THEY WON'T LET ME.  
TG: yeah i know i just dont know what to do  
TG: im tryin to convince them to let u visit  
CG: WHAT IF I DO, EVEN IF I'M NOT ALLOWED TO?  
TG: thats against the rules  
CG: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RULES. I NEVER HAVE. THAT'S IT, I'M COMING.  
TG: but i dont think thats a good idea

\-- carcinoGenetcisit (CG) ceased trolling tipsyGnostalgic (TG) --


End file.
